Why dogs bark

Earlier in the week the Telegraph reported that a council was running free courses to help people "understand why their dogs barked" following the publication of Defra advice on the subject. Defra may not have a full time Minister to help farmers, but readers will be relieved that at least it can give us the top ten reasons why our dogs bark:

• 1. Over-dependence on an owner, resulting in separation anxiety.
• 2. Fear or phobic reaction to sights or sounds, inside or outside the home.
• 3. Territorial.
• 4. Attention-seeking.
• 5. Social - calling to other dogs in the district.
• 6. To signify the dog wants to play.
• 7. To signify aggression (it is important not confuse 6 and 7).
• 8. Predatory or chase behaviour.
• 9. Frustration, e.g. because the dog did not expect to be left behind.
• 10. Senility.

The Telegraph provided an alternative version: David Sapsted's top ten reasons why his dogs bark

• 1. As a good way to ruin the end of Frost so you never discover why the retired librarian did it. 2. To scare away imaginary foxes. Real foxes, on the other hand, are left undisturbed to slaughter the chickens.
• 3. Because why would anyone want to be asleep at 3.20am?
• 4. To draw attention to the fact that they missed out on the Bacon Fries during your round at the pub.
• 5. Because some other dog three counties away decided to bark.
• 6. To frighten off that ugly beast they have just spotted in the reflection of the oven door.
• 7. As a warning to passing aircraft that 30,000 feet looks low enough.
• 8. Because it's too damned quiet out there.
• 9. To alert you to the hazards posed by that leaf that has just blown past the window.
• 10. Because they can.